How Alicia learned to say “no” to others (and “yes” to herself).
– KEYS SOULCARE
If you’re a people pleaser, raise your hand. (We’re imagining A LOT of raised hands.)
As a natural born “pleaser,” Alicia struggles with setting boundaries, choosing herself and saying no. In this video, she reads from her book More Myself and recalls her first big break away from the spotlight and how it made her a better person.
Dealing with the same struggle? Try these tips on putting yourself first and see how it feels:
Step Away For A Moment
Trust us, whatever it is that is so pressing, so urgent, that it requires your attention right now will be there waiting after you get back from taking a moment for yourself. And when you do return, you’ll be more focused and energized than before.
Travel Alone
Choose a place that calls to you. Perhaps it’s a city you’ve always wanted to explore or a beach you visited as a child. Just go! Make the trip about you and no one else. Do what brings you joy — long walks, indulgent meals, historical tours, ziplining or maybe just relaxing. Whatever it is, enjoy every moment as a gift to you alone.
Say No
No. It’s one of the most powerful words you can utter when someone — a boss, a lover, a friend — asks you to do something that’s not your responsibility or that you truly don’t have energy or capacity to handle. Those two letters demand respect and it’s your right to ask for it.
Don’t Feel Guilty
Sticking to the boundaries that you set for yourself can be incredibly challenging once guilt sneaks in! Just remember, you deserve a break to recharge so that you can offer an even better you to the world.
Finding the strength to set and maintain boundaries is tricky, but you can do it!
Mastered the art of boundary building? Let us in on your secret.
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2 Comments
Shan - October 13, 2020
Mastering the art of boundry building came at a high cost. I didn’t realize I was willing to pay it, until I was actually forking it over, but with the clarity that hindsight brings… boy was that price worth the investment.
After falling for the familial and societal definition of what a “good mom” and a “good and powerful woman” was for too many years, in the summer of 2020 I realized, I was spent. At the height of my income earning and corporate power I walked away from it all. Six figures to ZERO, overnight.
The first morning that I woke up and wasn’t held to the firing squad of emails, text and calls, and just a general sense of people needing me, I didn’t know how to face the day. And that doesn’t even count my family.
A few days later I retreated to have alone time for 7 days straight. I rented a house so that I could have quiet for just me, my thoughts, my books and a whole bunch of SLEEP.
45 days into this “pre-tirement” chapter of my life, the creativity that is flowing from me is almost hard to keep up with.
I’m working on getting a book I wrote out for the holidays.
I’m coaching other women to channel their own Bad-assery.
I’m walking 5 days a week, and I hate exercise.
I’m journaling, reading, meditating and creating EVERYDAY, which I’ve always wanted to do, but allowed my job to steal that daily “window of peace” away from me for 12+ years.
No more.
I’m 41, my four daughters are all grown (ages 18-23). I find it a privilege to teach them what boundries look like, simply by being a living and breathing example of it.
With this new found freedom, all that loops through my head is what Alicia says so well: “This girl is on fire”!
Much Love…SHAN
Raven - October 12, 2020
I have practiced being a stoic when it comes to NOT crossing boundaries. I always keep in mind that the people I’m always trying to please NEVER go out of their way to please me. They are quick to tell me NO in nonverbal ways. So I have practiced saying NO by paying attention to how they tell me no LOL and it works…for me. I am happier choosing ME and staying loyal to my core values.