Honoring your sacred yes and no is essential to your well-being.
– KEYS SOULCARE
For generations in my family, women put themselves last. I was no exception. The depression, resentment, and chronic stress that resulted from not taking a stand for my wants and needs felt normal to me until I turned 22. Then, I discovered the power of self-care and clear boundaries. I’ve learned that prioritizing my well-being means drawing a clear line between what I will and won’t accept, while leaning on practices like affirmations and meditation to keep me calm, clear-headed, and grounded. These practices also relieve the stress of taking on emotional burdens that don’t serve me.
AFFIRMATIONS PROMOTE CLEAR BOUNDARIES
Affirmations are statements that can be repeated internally or said aloud to disrupt destructive patterns. I’ve found affirmations to be most effective when I use them as part of my meditation practice.
Melody Beattie, world-renowned for her work in codependency recovery, offers the following affirmation to strengthen boundaries and self-care. Codependency is a condition where we put relationships ahead of our own needs, and her affirmation helps reverse this pattern:
“Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other people’s feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing it’s the best thing I can do for myself and others.”
I often write longer statements like this one on a piece of paper, letting each word steep in my mind like a nourishing tea.
DAILY MEDITATION CLARIFIES THE RIGHT ACTIONS NEEDED FOR BETTER SELF-CARE.
Every day, I meditate for at least 10 minutes. I set a timer for the length of time I have available for mediation. To start my meditation, I breathe deeply, close my eyes, turn inward, and hold space for all my feelings to surface. When possible, I meditate outside on the grass in my backyard, planting my feet into the earth to anchor me as I process my feelings.
I either use an affirmation or my breath as a point of focus, depending on what feels more supportive in the moment. When choosing an affirmation, it helps to use shorter phrases I can easily remember, such as: “Today, I will set the limits I need to set.” Repeating this affirmation at least three times during my meditation practice helps strengthen my resolve to set boundaries with others. Saying affirmations cuts through my habit of thinking I’m not worthy of my own time and attention; it also gives me the time and space to get clear on what limits I need to set with myself and others.
After I’ve said my affirmation, I pause for a moment and ask myself the following questions:
- What do I need to say yes to right now?
- What do I need to say no to right now?
I notice whatever arises as I ask the questions above, without judging or analyzing. Answers emerge in the form of thoughts, sensations, and images that don’t always make sense right away. I simply let go of any expectations about how or when the answers show up, trusting them to arise naturally. I continue to breathe in stillness until my time to meditate is up.
I keep a physical journal handy to write down my answers to the questions above when my meditation ends. Writing with pen and paper helps me claim my boundaries in a tangible way. Before I start writing, I’ll take a few breaths, slowly open my eyes, and wiggle my fingers and toes to help me shift my focus to writing.
Through daily meditation and journaling, it gets easier to discern yes from no. ‘Yes’ feels expansive, like doing a backbend in yoga and trusting myself to fall back, back, back, farther than I’ve gone before. ‘Yes’ leaves me clear-headed and excited. ‘Yes’ might look like taking short breaks during my work day to rest my eyes or speak to a loved one. It can mean prioritizing things that energize me and reduce my stress ahead of the requests or expectations of clients that I’m working with.
When I need to say ‘no,’ my body will contract like a roly-poly bug recoiling to protect itself when it’s prodded. For instance, I could meet a prospective client and feel disconnected and uninspired at the idea of working with them. Even if there’s no logical reason for it, I feel a sense of mistrust and unease around this person. By saying ‘no’ to working with them, I honor my emotional well-being and will usually feel re-energized and expansive soon afterwards.
To close my meditation practice, I pause in gratitude for the insights my feelings have revealed to me about what to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to in my life.
Honoring my feelings through meditation has given me the courage to step away from codependent behaviors and put my well-being first. Freeing myself from my attachment to other people’s feelings, wants, and needs helps me claim myself as my own source of unconditional love.
Written by Alana Helapitag, this essay previously appeared on Womanly.
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