Nedra Glover Tawwab shows us how to turn short-term discipline into long-term bliss.
– KEYS SOULCARE
New York Times best-selling author Nedra Glover Tawwab has long been revered as one of IG’s most trusted relationship and boundaries experts. Nedra’s book, aptly titled Set Boundaries, Find Peace, is the embodiment of her over a 14-year career as a licensed therapist, guiding clients to live better lives and enjoy healthy relationships, online and offline. The mental health advocate keeps her advice simple — a better relationship to yourself means a better relationship with everyone else — and we’ve got some of our favorite #NedraNuggets to get you started.
“Don’t hinge your healing on an apology that may never come. Apologies are nice. But don’t make them a requirement for your healing. Choose to move on.”
Forgiveness is work. Experiencing a betrayal, hurt, or loss can be difficult to move on from, especially when you don’t receive a much-deserved apology. Nedra’s advice? Make the choice to move forward with your life. You have the ability to recognize your own worth, even when others fail to, which is your superpower and responsibility.
“Some relationships will not survive your growth. You cannot grow and stay the same simultaneously to keep others happy. You will have to decide who’s worth it, you or them?”
The truth about the journey towards your highest self? You can’t take everyone with you. It’s hard to realize that you can outgrow beloved spaces — communities, jobs, relationships, and habits — but this grief is a part of the process when you choose to level up. Fighting the urge to hold on and hold back to stay in your comfort zone is no simple task, but you are definitely worth it.
“Sometimes, the best form of self-care is allowing people to be wrong. You preserve a lot of energy when you disengage. You do not have to convince people to think like you. It makes sense that you want people to know what you know. Rarely do we successfully change someone’s mind. If you notice a person isn’t open to what you have to say, save your breath, energy, and words by moving on.”
Protecting your energy is soulcare, and Nedra wants you to take note. Rather than fighting to be seen by others, learn to appreciate those who recognize your light. (Even if you’re the only one who can see your vision.) Letting go of “proving” yourself gives you permission to just be yourself — and that’s more precious than anyone’s approval.
“You can be there for people in ways that allow you to maintain a healthy version of yourself. Not in ways that limit your ability to care for yourself. Not in ways that distract you from your goals. It is possible to help people without damaging and dishonoring yourself in the process. Helping others does not require you to abandon yourself.”
An important message for people pleasers: taking care of others usually means not taking care of yourself. If you find that you’re always burnt out and overwhelmed, here’s your cue to stop. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s absolutely necessary. Keeping yourself at the bottom of your to-do list only makes it harder to show up. Plus, you can create cycles of resentment and anxiety from having too much on your plate. A soulful solution? Turn your perpetual “yes” into a sacred “no,” so you can better care for yourself and, in turn, better care for others.
Which #NedraNugget are you taking for keeps? Share your favorite(s) in the comments!